This is a sketch of a Kurebayashi Teru, the main character from one of my favorite manga, “Dengeki Daisy.” Definitely recommend reading it!
For those who don’t know, manga are Japanese graphic novels or short stories. As I mentioned before, I wasn’t a fan of manga for a very long time but they’ve really grown on me. As with anything, the good and bad are mixed among them and it can be difficult to find the best ones but it’s worthwhile when you do. I think what drew me in was the art of manga and the emotions that can be conveyed through it. Amazing how much significance facial expressions and subtle movements have. Manga conveys the importance of that very well.
I love the art of this particular mangaka (a creator of manga), Motomi Kyousuke. She has a unique lineup of expressions that have a strong comedic effect. Emotional expressions are extremely important in manga in order to portray a characters internal state at any given point, otherwise it’s not really much of a story unless the manga is heavy on its narrative. One of the difficult things about manga is that while the art can be great, the dialogue and story tend to be cliche and commonplace. Particularly with Shoujo manga, (manga directed primarily towards female readers) most of them follow the same story line or pattern. However, that’s not always the case. This is an amazing story and I love the development of the characters and the difficulties they go through. Even if you’re not crazy about Shoujo manga or manga in general, I would suggest giving it a chance.
It’s funny how we how one step forward can lead to so many others. I’ve learned this time and again and yet I manage to forget it the moment I stop moving. I think that’s the key to everything in life, to just keep moving regardless of what’s happening, how bad things are or when you don’t know where all of this is going. This job was the first step and it’s slowly leading to others even if there isn’t anything conclusive or permanent yet. I should’ve had plans post-graduation but I didn’t and sunk right back into that hole I was in 6 years ago. I had an amazing final year at school but I failed to remember that life can’t stop with that. Tomorrow is the last day at this job but I don’t want a repeat of the last five months. A few things have come up for me to keep moving such as editing a paper, an invitation to a cookout with my coworkers, and coming into possession of a classical guitar. Nothing major really but I know that I need to embrace whatever I can get and do anything I possibly can to stay busy. I’m currently working on drawing again and learning new things so let’s hope I follow through.
Ever get told how horrible a person you are? How stupid? How worthless? You can try to build yourself up all you want but when your own flesh and blood tell you these things blatantly and through every action and grimace they make, it’s hard to stand strong in the face of that. It doesn’t cut the same way it used to but that may be just because I’ve managed to keep myself at bay from ruminating over any type of negative feelings for quite some time. Yet, even without the emotional turmoil I had allowed myself to wallow in for most of my life, I still can’t seem to move forward even in the absence of those things. I wondered for some time whether I had truly left those negative feelings behind and moved on from it but the fact that I’m at a standstill again shows that all of those things still affect me whether I have an immediate reaction or not.
There are many resilient people out there who push forward and thrive in the face of adversity or simply are courageous enough to keep moving in spite of it. You shoot them down, they’re revved up to prove you wrong. I’m not like that at all. I don’t work well in the face of any type of judgment, good or bad. It’s difficult for me to deal with conclusive statements because I feel pressured either way. Pressured to the point that where I literally can’t do anything.
“Great work” Sh*t, what if I don’t measure up next time? Avoid, Delay, Neglect.
“You’re an idiot, what’s wrong with you?” I don’t know, let me curl up in a corner and settle into a catatonic state and get back to you on that.
Explaining what I need to deaf ears won’t move me. I know that. I should’ve learned that after all these years and yet I seem to think it will be possible one day. But I can’t keep moving if I allow the pace of my life to be dependent on the behavior of others. I know I need to suck it up and rise above the harsh opinions of those closest to me. It won’t change my life and doing nothing only serves to encourage them.
Ironically, they think by doing nothing, it means I don’t care but the problem is that I care too much.